Why would anyone need to use “brutal honesty”? Essentially, you are stating your opinion about an event, a subject or a person. Do you want to hurt someone with your opinion? Do you really think that a hurtful statement will change another person, or improve your relationship? Remember, once those words are said, they can NEVER be un-heard!
Being angry is stressful. It’s been said that:
“saying angry words is like swallowing poison, and expecting the other person to die.”
Anger hurts you, and the person with whom you are angry. In fact, one angry reaction can effect your body’s cortisol levels for hours after an incident. And chronic feelings of anger can effect your health and increase your chances of getting heart disease, stroke and other illnesses! Your mind and body are connected!
Why do you get angry in the first place? If you think about where your feelings come from, they are a reaction. A feeling just doesn’t pop out of you!Why do you get angry? It’s generally because:
1. you’re not getting something that you want (or you are getting something you DON’T want)
2. You tell yourself that “someone SHOULD” be giving it to you.
If you can STOP and examine your angry feelings at #2, you’d be in great shape to lower the intensity of your feelings. You’ll also figure out some really important information about yourself. WHY “SHOULD” someone have to give you anything?
Ok, I can see, if you paid for something, and you didn’t get it, you could get angry. That might be a good “should”. But more often than not, our anger is self-righteous – where we think we know what is the way things “should” be; and someone doesn’t fall in step with the way we choose to live.
But the stress that anger causes in your body doesn’t change whether you are right or wrong. It still hurts you inside.
In fact, when people react with anger, very often they end up doing or saying something that will virtually assure they won’t get what they want!
If you can pull back from your strong emotions and get calm, that’s the time when your brain can actually come up with a better solution to the thing that has gotten you angry in the first place!
OK, you’ve heard me say your brain can come up with an answer; but did you know that your “heart” AND your “gut” actually have independent brains that can also “think” and come up with solutions?
Just think of the expression: “You know it in your heart”; “you had a gut feeling”. Although these might sound just like a “saying” they are actually literal expressions of how your body KNOWS the truth.
So next time you’re upset; get calm. STOP before taking action that can make things worse, and then ask your heart: What’s a better way to handle this situation? And LISTEN! Because very often you will get the right answer from your heart!